Relationship Violence, a Campus Life Perspective
Hearing and reading about tragic love turned sour stories happening around us has become the norm in the recent past. These cases have largely been among the ‘grown ups’ in our society. But let’s focus on Relationships in our Campuses as I believe they are the hardest hit by such cases as Campus relationships are the most vulnerable. Most of Relationship Violence Cases in Campuses don’t ever make it to our media but if we can be honest enough, these cases are becoming too much and its time someone started talking about it since not much has really been done about it.
As a country, we have remained silent on issues that matter and have been distracted by things we should not be giving our attention, to begin with. One of the most disturbing issues that I feel we are yet to start taking measures against is the issue of relationship violence focusing on the campus dating scene. The question no one is asking is how did we get here. It seems we all prefer to take the emotional route when it comes to discussing such as most always tend to be overly sensitive about it.
By now you must have already heard about the tragic story of the Late Ivy (RIP) who was brutally murdered by an alleged past lover/stalker. The motive behind the heinous act has very many different versions which has made it impossible to even try to understand it, I’ll admit this is by far the most bizarre story I’ve heard so far. God forbid you try to speak objectively about this particular story by giving your opinion, you’ll be met by all types of criticism especially as everyone seems to have already picked a side. It’s all fun and games until it hits close to home. Nobody wants to address these issues yet we act surprised each time they happen. Which brings me to this question, are we in denial or just ignorant on purpose?
We live in a hypocritical society where people will watch you cry for help but nobody will speak up or help you seek help until it’s too late, then they will flood online streets sharing your story & posting your pictures all over. In light of this story, and the fact that this is now becoming too common, most influential people took to their social media accounts to speak about the issue. Jalangoo had an Instagram post giving his two cents. Very insightful IMO, if you decide to read it objectively.
There was also an episode on Milele FM that discussed this same issue and I personally think the presenter spoke volumes. The main point everyone is trying to put across is don’t take anything you’re offered from a person without knowing the price you’ll have to repay with for it later.
I am not picking sides really but fact is, Females are the hardest hit when it comes to violence in relationships. I don’t know whether to attribute these to greed or desperation, or the fact that on-campus especially, competition is too much. You barely fit in your whole years there if you don’t follow the latest trends. In fact, people will consider you boring, even worst an outcast. Individuality is a very hard decision on campus, you want to be alone but not completely alone. The brave ones go for the option of being alone as compared to giving in to peer pressure but the majority, we follow the same sad path we were warned about.
There was once a trending discussion on sponsors that we no longer hear much about, but what we hear of now is the stories of bitter couples killing each other mostly over money they invested expecting more in return but ended up feeling betrayed. As sad as this is and as much as we are human beings who will tend to be overly sympathetic to these cases, there reaches a point where we need to take a step back and look deeply within ourselves, only then will we notice that we focus so much on who the victim is/was without being in the other person’s shoes or looking at the whole thing in their perspective.
This is in no way trying to justify any kind of violence meted on anyone or even glorify revenge, but it should be said as cold as it’ll seem, we as youths in our early 20s tend to get into relationships blindly overlooking the fact that the other party involved have emotions and there is no telling what one is capable of, especially if you don’t know the person well. Everyone looks okay and normal until you get to know them and discover destructive habits they may have like how they act when angry.
Fitting in is not a must, you can and should stand out and make your own life decisions. Let’s not rush to paint men as the devil without asking ourselves what pushed them to the limits. To my fellow females, let’s not be quick to accept and enjoy free things, instead let’s turn into a generation that raises ourselves to work for what we have and to show our fellow and younger sisters how attractive it is to have your own without having to turn to desperate actions for money, not having to be the damsel in distress at a man’s mercy desperately waiting to be saved over and over again.
As for our dear brothers, do not blindly give without the assurance that the other party is mutually interested, let’s not push women to laziness. Also, rejection is not the end of life, neither is your money worth taking or ruining another’s life in any way. No always means No, no debate about this. If she can’t take you, just move on!
Hypothetical, if the allegations are true that the killer was indeed a stalker and not a past lover, here is a tip for campus ladies: take your sweet time to know anyone who makes moves on you and if you realize something is off get help immediately. Speak to someone, anyone, and if you’re that friend who hears about your friend is at risk, don’t stay silent until they are gone forever. Save a life.
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect CampusBiz’s editorial stance.